Nationalism and Oral Sex

I think it is easier to move a mountain in Armenia than talk about female sexuality.

How can you talk about something that does not exist in the first place? Yes, women in Armenia are “walking heads” and “working hands”, with no bodies of their own, no vagina not even a clitoris (what’s that?), hmm pleasure? Female orgasm? Cunnilingus? Yuk!!! Nope never heard of; is that healthy? Isn’t that a “dirty” thing to do? Should “good” girls know about this?

We don’t talk about sex in general; we don’t hear about it in the classrooms since most of the teachers are too embarrassed to cover the issue, which is, ironically enough, part of the school curriculum. At University, awareness campaigns on healthy living or “how to protect yourself during sex” are almost non-existent since you are not supposed to have sex before marriage in the first place, especially if you are a girl. So why talk about something that is against the rules of the society, better keep everyone in the dark… and well protected! Protected not from STIs, unwanted pregnancies or violence but from the threat of collapsing the Armenian nation and threatening the security of the country. But the interesting thing is that the control focuses on women’s sexuality.

Oddly enough, it seems that what I do with my own body as a woman, if I engage in sexual acts or not, when and with whom I decide to sleep with is closely linked with the nation’s faith. For that purpose, the nation’s defenders and perpetuators of the Armenian values (leaders, authorities, health workers, teachers, priests, fathers and mothers, brothers and uncles) take the liberty to decide in my place how I should act and how I should use my own body so that I don’t harm the whole nation’s reputation by thinking about my own pleasure and well-being.

One of the first word that a child learns is “amot” (shame) . So whatever you do that transgresses the limits of “predefined” unwritten laws, the word falls on you like a slap in the face: “amot e”(shame on you!). A small child runs in the house wearing only underwear “amot e”, exploring innocently your body while taking a bath at age 4-5 “amot e”, asking questions on anything related to anatomy and sexuality “amot e”, two people kissing each other in public “amot e”. And the word stays with you, especially if you are a woman, throughout your life. And even if there is no one around to remind you out loud, it still resonates in your ears.

During our monthly “my body, my right” workshops at the women’s center, young women talk about all kinds of myths they learned to believe: men are more sexual than women. It is ok for men to have extra-marital affairs since there are things that they can’t do with their “good” wives and the mothers of their children (like oral sex). Men can’t control their sexual urges but women can. The important thing is that men have pleasure during sex; women can live without it, etc.

Men cheating on their wives are considered normal and very much tolerated by the different spheres of our society. As for women cheating on their husbands, they are labeled as “sluts”, “whores”, not worthy of being called “Armenian women”.

Men can have sex before marriage; it is awkward if they don’t. Young women having sex before marriage are “pjatsadz” (damaged) thinking of their own sexual pleasure and not fit to become housewives or mothers.

Even oral sex is mostly for men. Most of the participants in our workshops will never even consider doing that even with their husbands. They are taught to believe that it is “dirty”, “unhealthy” and “amot” and only prostitutes can engage in such acts.

Meanwhile, young women are having sex, secretly and dangerously. But nobody is talking about it openly; nobody is acknowledging it. AIDS/HIV is on the rise, abortion as well and several other diseases on the side. But, HUSH! The nation is safe!