Proud and strong

On the airport in Stockholm I felt freedom in the air. I felt safe after a long time. I forgot about the fear, I stopped hiding the book I was reading (lesbian titles in Serbian public spaces can cause you problems, at least some bad comments), I stopped looking behind me and I completely fell asleep in a taxi. Suddenly I felt – I need a rest. How come? Short fly, comfortable hotel, taxi here, taxi there….And yes, I was tired of Serbia, I was tired from work I am working there, I was tired from myself also. I visited Kvinna till Kvinnas offices and I met around 20 wonderful women at their working places. This day ended with a nice (and small…ha ha ha) dinner with a few lesbian friends in a “hetero friendly” restaurant.

Next morning I woke up at 5:30. I was completely recharged and ready for the seminar, I just needed to smoke a pack of cigarettes until 7:45. Than I met Hanna Sällström, Eva Zillén, and Henrik Bergquist. I was much excited to take a part in the seminar and speak about my activism and security. My activist blues was proud and strong. Speaking about my work was a challenge for me in this moment. I was speaking about very bad conditions of work, about fears and threats and about “sleeping” freedom of NLO members. I am publicly out as a lesbian but my freedom is also in a deep sleep. My activist blues ended with applause, my heart was beating loud…beating to tell me …YES BILJANA, YOU SHOULD BE PROUD!!! As modest as I can be I posed for a photographer of Amnesty International in Sweden and gave my card to a few very important persons. In that moment all of them have been important for me. Same day I visited the RFSL organization. My impression is still huge, their work is great. I just missed street activism in the air. I was actually occupied with the thought: when will a 25 year old lesbian activist in Serbia be half the age as her LGBT organization?

The seminar in Göteborg was my next destination. I spent a few wonderful hours with activist Annie Winterquist. We exchanged our experiences, ideas and a “a look in future” about women’s and lesbian human rights. Finally we reached the museum of World culture. We had time to see the exhibition “Pushing the limits”. Eva, Annelie and myself were prepared to start with our huge and important issue. The warm and comfortable space was almost empty until the last moment. When I raised my head after reading my notes the space was full with trustful faces and I started to feel motivating energy. We spoke a lot about activism in Serbia, about lives that lesbians are living (or not living) and about examples from other countries where women’s rights defenders have a “sleeping” freedom too. Eva had such an encouraging voice and Annelie gave me much space to speak. After about 2 hours of speaking the silent smiles and curious eyes showed me full respect for sharing such a long activist blues. And I was proud again. At the end I received so many Scandinavian colorful and different age hugs…I wanted to stay longer and respect those wonderful people more…. but we ran into taxi so fast. Last words I heard from a beautiful young and proud lesbian were: I have a female band with my girlfriend. We want to participate in your lesbian festival in Novi Sad. Is that possible?

YES, YES, YES, EVERYTHING IS POSSIBLE…WE PUSHED OUR LIMITS ALREADY, DIDN’T WE?

P.S. There is a song from ABBA with the words …..does your mother know?.......
My suggestion is: Let Kvinna Till Kvinna know first.
So, thank you all for inviting me and giving me to be part of your world too.